Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
