What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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