There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a beard to bite.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
