every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize