I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
