1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
