Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
