Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
