Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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