Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
