imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
