oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
