I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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