Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
