I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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