I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
