Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
