So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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