i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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