someone owes me an orgasm
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
