I just cut my nipple shaving
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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