I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize