Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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