why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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