Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He has the fingertips of a God
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
