Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The air was thick with penises
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
