...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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