Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
