Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
