hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
