If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
