why didn't you poke me back
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
