I must be too annoying 4 u.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
