I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
