I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
