Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
