I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize