wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
