He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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