Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
