In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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