just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
