you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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