she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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