just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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