i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
