i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
