I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
