You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
