Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
