is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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