Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you had me at cake vodka
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
