guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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