i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
