and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My first STD was from a foam party
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
