I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
