I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How's work?
Spinning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
