I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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