If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
