Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
