So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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