I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
