Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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