So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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