remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
