just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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