when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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