i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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