Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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