someone get that fucking seahorse.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
