Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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