why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
