I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
