You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
