Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
