All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize