I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
