Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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