drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Someone signed my nipple.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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