if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
