we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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