six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im part way to drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
