My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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