I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
