Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
