Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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