Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my poor anus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
