Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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